MPDR Archives Blog Post #85- October 23, 2014

Anchor your attention in this present moment with awareness of sensations of three or more breaths

-    Image by M. Lee Freedman 

If you have time and interest, please read this quote from Kristen Neff as she is being interviewed for an article “The Power of Self-Compassion”   They are wise words to consider.

“People feel that they need to be self-critical in order to motivate themselves. We think we need to beat ourselves up if we make mistakes so that we won’t do it again. It’s a convoluted form of self-care: I criticize myself because I don’t want to keep engaging in this behavior that’s problematic.

But that’s completely counterproductive. Self-criticism is very strongly linked to depression. And depression is antithetical to motivation: You’re unable to be motivated to change if you’re depressed. It causes us to lose faith in ourselves, and that’s going to make us less likely to try to change and conditions us for failure. If every time you fail or make a mistake you beat yourself up, you’re going to very quickly try to avoid failure at all costs. It’s a natural survival instinct. Which means you may not take risks—maybe you take the course that’s an easy A [instead of a more challenging one]

Maybe the biggest problem with using self-criticism as a motivator is that if it’s really painful to be honest with yourself about your weaknesses—because you know you’re going to tear yourself to shreds with self-criticism—your subconscious pulls every trick in the book to not have to own up to your weaknesses.

The easiest trick is to blame someone else. Think about fights you have with your significant other—“You did it!” “No, you did it!” Each one’s trying to defend their ego, blaming the other person. But when you have self-compassion, it actually gives you the courage and the emotional safety you need to say, “Mea culpa—I did do that, I was out of line.” And that clarity actually gives you not only the wisdom to see what needs changing but the emotional strength and courage to go ahead and change it.”  - Kristen Neff

If you would like to explore this further, you can read the full interview at this link:http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/the_power_of_self_compassion

or perhaps listen to Kristen Neff talking about “Overcoming Objections to Self-Compassion” at this linkhttp://greatergood.berkeley.edu/gg_live/science_meaningful_life_videos/speaker/kristin_neff/overcoming_objections_to_self_compassion/

Wishing you a mindful day 

-    Lee

-    M. Lee Freedman, MD,CM FRCP(C)